Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Doc visit #1

For the first time during the journey I feel like I have made a mistake.  On thursday Cameron and I went to see Dr. Shoemaker to get his evaluation of Nolan's leg.  He confirmed what Dr. Zionts told me a few weeks ago.  He has a bowed tibia.  Even though I felt extremely uncomfortable with Dr. Shoemaker treating a clubfoot case; I felt very at ease with him examining Nolan and going over what general treatment would be.  I really regret changing my insurance now.  He would have been a fabulous doctor.  Now I am having second thoughts about seeing Dr. Zionts.  He has been AMAZING to my husband and I throughout this whole mess but I no longer feel it is necessary to drive 6 hours round trip.  Clubfoot treatment is such a precise art and I was willing to travel to find the right doctor.  Now that his prognosis is not as delicate,  I want to explore what our options are here in San Diego.  At least I took the time to research every pediatric orthopedist in the Southern California area before Nolan was born.  Finding a pediatrician seems daunting enough now!  The standout option is Dr. Pring at Rady's.  She specializes in limb lengthening, shortening, and straightening.  I think the plan as of now is to make an appointment with Dr. Zionts and with Dr. Pring and make our decision after we have seen both doctors.  I feel bad changing doctors after everything Dr. Zionts and his team has done for us but I need to think of what is best for my own sanity.  Dealing with a newborn is hard enough right now.  I don't need to make my life harder if there is a doctor here in San Diego who can treat my son.  

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Nolan is here!!

Nolan Parker Westfall arrived on 11/27 at 3:41 am. He was 6 lbs 13 oz at birth and was 18 inches long. He is healthy, strong, and absolutely perfect (except for his little left leg of course.) He was born after only 5 hours of labor and I was able to have him completely naturally! Recovery for me has been pretty quick. I came home from the hospital within 24 hours and I've been out and about since day 3. In fact Cameron and I took him out to San Diego's big Christmas festival at Balboa Park today and he was a champ! He is super chill and nurses well pretty much anywhere.

Now for the not so great news...he doesn't have clubfoot. I honestly don't know if what he has is worse or better...but it is definitely different. At the hospital the Kaiser orthopedist said it was still clubfoot even though the deformity looks much different. I was extremely skeptical and sent a pic to Dr. Zionts once we got home. He called me within the hour and said I was right, it isn't clubfoot at all. We have yet to get an official diagnosis but what Dr. Zionts believes we are dealing with is tibial bowing. His curved foot supposedly will straighten on its own but there is a good chance we will have to have a surgery to correct a leg length discrepancy later in life. We are still planning on seeing Dr. Zionts in LA since he is the only person so far to give us real answers. I was so impressed that he called so quickly and took the time to look over the pictures. I'm not even officially his patient yet and he has been more caring, compassionate, and helpful than any of the doctors I have seen. Don't get me wrong, Kaiser has been amazing for my prenatal care and my birth. I just don't trust their orthopedists. However, I do have an appointment scheduled with Dr. Shoemaker to get his opinion on Thursday. I know it will do little good in the long run but I feel kinda weird not using the resources that are currently available to me. More info to come on Thursday!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

The Waiting Game

Only 2 weeks left before my due date!!!!  At least he has cooperated so far staying in.  I feel like each day is an accomplishment.

I had my last detailed ultrasound scan on 11/8.  I have yet to have an ultrasound that I am not terrified about.  The tech spent at least 20 minutes looking at his heart.  I thought we were concerned about his leg?!?!?!  Every time they spend a little longer on one area than another my husband and I start to sweat.  The OB assured us that it is just protocol they do a detailed scan of the heart whenever there is a birth defect.  Once they finally got to his leg they were able to measure that his LLD remains consistent at about 1 cm.  I'm not a doctor but if he had damage to a growth plate you would think that the LLD would continue to get greater each scan.  I'm not complaining.  I'm ecstatic that the LLD is not getting worse, but I'm so confused on what is causing it and what it means.  The kaiser orthopedist refuses to talk about LLD issues with me until he is born and I can't see the orthopedist I am planning on getting treatment from until Jan 1st due to insurance.  Yet again...I am just playing the waiting game.

As for his treatment, we are waiting for answers as well.  I sent an email to the orthopedic hospital in LA a little over a week ago.  I received an email back that day from director of operations and said she is looking into the answers for my questions.  She also told me I would get a call by the end of last week.  I know that I am just being anxious but I am dying to get his treatment set up and ready to go.  I have faith that everything will work out but having one last thing on my list would be nice.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Time to relax

I am now officially on maternity leave!!!! It was very bittersweet leaving work but I am so happy to be able to rest and relax.  Of course now that work is done that means the doctor appointments have hit an all time high.  I had a mid-wife appointment yesterday and she wanted to do an ultrasound when I was there.  I was very reluctant since I have yet to have a good experience with the whole process.  This time was very refreshing though!  All she wanted to do was check his position.  She looked at his head, heart rate, and then lingered a bit on his face to capture him sucking his thumb and swallowing some amniotic fluid.  It was so nice to see him as a "normal" baby for once.  She stayed far away from his foot or leg and just gushed on how cute, strong, and healthy he looked.  What a relief to not hear the word "defect" or "wrong" during an appointment...I'll leave those words for my hospital high resolution ultrasound on Tuesday.

Another bonus about the ultrasound is that she confirmed I have lots of fluid and he has lots of room to grow still.  Most women wouldn't be thrilled on keeping a baby full or past term but the kid and I have been having daily pep talks on how he needs to stay in.  I have an entire timeline set up with my insurance options that revolve around him being on time or even better, a little late.  Let's just hope he doesn't get rebellious!  

Friday, October 28, 2011


The lesson of the week is to not assume anything.

This is the week I decided to tackle all of our insurance options and have a roadmap set up for my son's care for every route our family could possibly take.

Route 1: Paying for care out of pocket
I don't even remember the exact numbers for everything.  My husband told me the numbers a few days ago and I started hyperventilating instantly.  It came out to be around 300-400 per visit and a couple grand for the tendonectomy.  In all it was in the 6,000 range just to get his foot corrected and his first brace.

Route 2: Deferring treatment till my new Aetna PPO takes effect on 1/1
My monthly costs are $250 for my son and I to be on this insurance.  I can see any doctor that has a contract with Aetna and I don't have to rely on a referral from a PCP (primary care physician).  The only downside of this option is that if I don't go back to work I loose this insurance.  My maternity leave ends late March/early April depending on when he decides to come.  This means I only get the treatment that I want for 3-4 months unless I go back to work.  Oh and the braces are not covered (about $300 each new pair of shoes).  This option then leads to Route 2 option A, option B, or option C.

Option A: Transfer to my husbands work insurance if I decide not to go back to work.
This seems like a perfectly acceptable option.  However he is currently signed up for an HMO which means when we switch over we are under the restrictions of an HMO.  We would have to have a PCP refer us to an orthopedist.  Sounds easy enough right?  Find a pediatrician, let him know we have been getting treatment in LA for 4 months already, and he would make the intelligent decision to then refer us to Dr. Zionts since he has been the physician treating his case.  Not quite.  Unfortunately health care is not about getting the proper care...it's about money and who you have contracts with.  Since we have a very large Children's Hospital here in SD we would be forced to see the doctors there who we have already researched and they DO NOT follow the Ponseti protocol even though they are both on the certification list.  We would only have to do this for 4 months until my husbands open enrollment which is July and goes into effect August 1st.  In July we have the option to switch over to his company's PPO and can return to seeing Dr. Zionts in LA.  Politics is only the first problem.  The HMO options is also very very very expensive.  We would have to pay $900 a month for family health care and then the PPO would then go down to $500 a month.  Needless to say....we will be very very poor with option A for about 4 months and would have to take some money out of savings.

Option B: Go back to work
There is a part of me that feels so selfish for not jumping on this apparent option.  If I go back to work I can keep the low health care cost, continue to see the doctors I want, and be making money for the family (not that much though) so we don't have to dip into our savings.  The only negative is that I would have to find daycare which is around $1300 a month here in SD.  Beyond the cost, the huge negative is that someone else would be raising my son!  Could I even trust another person to keep his brace on all day?  I know I am married to the most amazing man in the world when he told me "You carried that baby for 9 months; I can carry the family for 4."  That totally brought on the hormonal water works.  It has always been up in the air if I was going to return to work or not (even before the clubfoot diagnosis) but I at least always wanted the financial option to stay home if I wanted to.  I don't know if that is really there anymore.

Option C: Federal Cobra insurance
It is disgusting how much insurance company's charge for people to just be a healthy human being!  When researching this option, I found out my employer pays 87% of our insurance costs.  The cobra option would be $2,000 a month for my son and I.  Needless to say this really isn't a option.

So what is the verdict?  I have no idea.  I guess I can conquer that hurdle once it comes.  I'm just happy I know what the next year will look like for our family.  I hope this situation is easier for other clubfoot parents out there because it has been a nightmare for us.  It is hard enough to cope with the fact that your child has a defect that will demand constant monitoring and medical care but then add on to the package that the proper treatment you need will cause you to go broke is heartbreaking.  Ok, that is a little dramatic.  It's just so frustrating that all the saving my husband and I have been doing is going to go toward either paying someone else to raise our child or toward insurance costs that doesn't even allow me the freedom to get proper care.  I just need to remind myself that it is only 4 months!

Friday, October 21, 2011


This has been the week of consultations.  I've been very apprehensive of the Kaiser option but I decided to give it a shot.  Putting it lightly, I left the appointment extremely conflicted and confused.  Dr. Shoemaker was incredibly nice and confident.  He had training in clubfoot at the Scottish Rite hospital in Texas, which supposably has a good clubfoot program, and he claimed to only have a 10% ATTT surgical rate.  Still something just didn't feel right.  He deviated a lot from the standard Ponseti protocol.  He changes the cast every 7 to 10 days instead of every 5 to 7 and he only does night bracing until around 18 months.  I asked him about the contradictions and he made me feel like I was wearing a snow jacket in 60 degree weather.  He told me he found the "strict" treatment regimen unnecessary, "mean", and that it can impede on normal development.

One of the hardest lessons I have had to learn during this pregnancy is that sometimes I have to questions those I am supposed to trust.  I went to the nosurgery4clubfoot support group and asked for the advice of parents who have been there.  One of the best things another mom told me was to "trust your instincts."  As soon as I read that I turned to mush.  After a slightly hormonal breakdown, I knew I needed to contact Dr. Zionts in LA.  I emailed him at 5pm and received a response at 9:30pm!  Wow!  I was able to explain my insurance predicament and what treatment was being offered to me here in San Diego.  He  reassured me that I could defer treatment up till 12 weeks with no long term problems and that he would forward my number on to the billing department to start going over options.  My husband got a call at 5pm the next day from the UCLA orthopedic hospital.  Debbie was so nice and kind on the phone.  She is helping us figure out cash, PPO, and HMO options.  We even got a email from her late last night that she hasn't forgotten about us and is still working the numbers to get us all the info we need.  This is the first time my instincts feel at ease.

Now that I am tackling all the treatment options now I finally feel like I can focus on some more normal things.   I had my last childbirth class was on Tuesday and I'm trying to retain all the information.  Looking back I am so happy I decided on the Bradley classes.  Attending the classes over the past 13 weeks has definitely kept me grounded.  Every week it was a reminder of all the "normal" things about having a baby.  I just hope that I am able to put into practice all the techniques and exercises I learned.  During the classes I read Ina Mays guide to Childbirth and there was a chapter that really stuck with me. As a midwife she would occasionally face the problem of women failing to progress in labor.  Of course at a hospital you would be whisked away for a c-section but Ina May found that the failure to progress was often a psychological issue.  One woman was afraid she wouldn't be as good of a mom to her second as her first, another woman was regretting the vows her and her husband said at their wedding and wanted to re-do them with the words "till death do us part", and there was another single mom who was afraid of caring for a child on her own.  Now all these are pretty normal fears, I couldn't imagine the conflicting emotions a soon to be mom giving birth to a child she knows has a birth defect.  I am so grateful to modern technology for finding my little mans clubfoot so I am able to prepare and find proper treatment.  At the same time I need to be able to embrace the tough few years ahead and not let the fear of how his leg will develop hold me back in any way.

Friday, October 7, 2011

No news

This week I finally got what I have been wanting...no news.

I had a 32 week ultrasound on 10/4 with a different OB (thank god).  She was so calm and professional explaining what she had found.  The LLD is still there but the ratio is still the same.  His right leg is 5cm long (50% for growth that matches the rest of his body) and his left tibia and fibula are 4cm (5% for growth.)  The percentiles are kinda scary. But the good news is that his leg did grow and the LLD did not get more significant over the past 4 weeks!  She is also very skeptical over the "6th toe" the previous OB pointed out.  It isn't a polydactyly toe.  She thinks it is either a shiny spot on the ultrasound or possibly some calcification on the side of the foot (maybe an extra bone).  Then OB finally noted that "I am not an orthopedist and cannot tell you what treatment would be like.  All I can do is mark his growth."  She did praised the orthopedist I am seeing on the 18th and said she took her daughter to him when she was having a spinal problem.  I'm still not convinced he can properly treat clubfoot with an LLD but at least I'm not completely wasting my time. So I'm marking this week with a little sigh of relief.  At least I don't have something new to stress about.

I've attached some pictures of the last ultrasound.  The foot/leg pictures are of his clubfoot side.  See what you think of the "6th toe"; its the shiny line on the outside of the foot.  Then of course I had to add a profile of my rad little dude.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Baby Steps

First and foremost,  I want to send out a thank you to everyone from nosurgery4clubfoot.  I got so many wonderful comments and uplifting stories.  Its nice to know that a lot of you could relate to my frustrations. I also appreciate everyones honesty about their treatment history.  I saw that a lot of parents trusted the so called "Ponseti trained" doctors and are now dealing with relapses and surgeries.  My mission over the next few weeks is to ensure that Nolan can get the best care I can possibly manage to arrange.

Over the past week I feel like I have at least made a little progress toward my little man's treatment.  By the end of this clubfoot journey I am going to be an insurance manipulating machine!  So there are currently 2 possible options:  If the little dude decides to be on time/late I can switch to Aetna PPO insurance in early november with my work and be able to see Dr. Zionts in LA without a referral as early as Jan 2.  As long as treatment isn't being delayed too long we would be ok (this is of course something I still need to discuss with the doctor.)  Option number 2 I am currently trying to unfold.  My husband has Anthem HMO which is accepted by Dr. Zionts in LA as well.  However, since it is an HMO, I will need to have a referral by a primary care physician to be able to see that specific doctor.  This poses a few questions, will a pediatrician here in SD be kind enough to refer me up to LA?  Should I just set up a pediatrician in LA so I get referred to the LA doctor?  And would this even be faster to get treatment then situation #1?  I have heard 2 conflicting reports:  One is that I cannot put an infant on either insurance until his SSN comes in.  Once it comes and the paperwork has been filled out, the insurance will not take effect until the first of the month.  Report 2 is the same as report one BUT the insurance is then back dated to the DOB and the insurance will backpay for any treatment.  I like situation number 2 much better!!!!  I have my husband making some calls today so we will see how all this unfolds.

So you might be wondering where this Dr. Zionts name came from.  Well first it came from nosurgery4clubfoot.  I've been trying to research every doctor here in SD to try to find someone who can  effectively treat clubfoot.  Kaiser says they have a doctor (Dr. Shoemaker) but he is not on the Ponseti certified list even though Kaiser has told me that this is the treatment they follow.  I have an appointment on 10/18 to talk to him.  Then there are 2 doctors at Rady's children's hospital that are certified but it does not look like they actually practice the method regularly.  One doctor is Dr. Mubarack who seems like he was once on his game but now is over it (just an impression and I haven't actually talked to the guy.) The other is Dr. Maya Pring.  She seems like an amazing woman but yet again she doesn't focus on clubfeet. She is a pediatric orthopedist who specializes in hip problems but can also treat a clubfoot if it comes her way.  Another big red flag is the Rady's website that describes their "Ponseti Treatment".  Everything seems right until the end.  The last sentence on the page says most children have to get surgery at 1 month (tendonectomy) and then another at 8 months!  We are still trying to set up a consult with one of these 2 doctors through a family friend who has some pull at the hospital.  We are still waiting for an answer.

Now for Dr. Zionts...He seems wonderful!  He is a clubfoot specialist who runs clinics in LA 3 days a week.  Now here is a doctor I feel comfortable with.  The name was given to me by some moms on the support group and I am extremely grateful to be pointed in that directions.  The next baby step is figuring out how to get there.

On a separate note, my husband called our genetic counselor we have with Kaiser, Amy (who has been the most amazing person through this whole ordeal.)  He explained how we were treated at our last ultrasound by the OB.  Amy was appalled!  She said that leg length is not something that can be diagnosed via ultrasound due to a high rate of error.  She said the info hadn't even been given to her, and better yet we should have been referred to an orthopedist or Amy to explain what it meant and treatments.  I guess the OB's education medical opinion of "nothing can be done" is not apart of Kaiser standard protocol.  Now I'm a little confused...was the LLD just an error on the ultrasound or is the fact we could see it on the ultrasound mean it is pretty significant.  We have another appointment scheduled on 10/4 to answer that question.

At least one good thing happened this week...I am still working!  I am now training people how to take over my shift when I go on maternity leave so it is a lot of "lift this" and "can you grab that."  The dizzy spells have stopped since I have been taking it easier.  Now just 5 more weeks of work and 9 more weeks until my due date!  I think the biggest shock of birth will be that there is a baby coming and not just a leg.  With all the doctors appointments and constant googling I have to remember I'm having a son...not just a leg that needs to be fixed.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Information overload

So I have a confession to make...I have been on a googling rampage this week.  Mostly I have been looking for anyone who has experience with an LLD and clubfoot.  It doesn't seem like there are a lot of us out there and even less doctors that have the qualifications to treat it.  Here in San Diego there are only 2 Ponsetti Certified orthopedists which are both located at Rady's Children's Hospital.  Then the Rady's website has a description of their clubfoot treatment which is definitely NOT the Ponsetti treatments...so confused.  My husband and I are currently trying to pull every string we got to try to have a consultation.  Of course if the consultation goes well there is the whole issue of insurance.  Currently I have Kaiser insurance and can only go to a Kaiser doctor.  My little man is due Dec 1st and my work has open enrollment in Oct/Nov that goes into effect Jan 1st.  So the question is....is it worth being treated by a Kaiser doctor for the first 30 days then be able to transfer to the certified orthopedist when my insurance can transfer over or do I wait to get treatment all together.  I guess that is what the consultations are for right?

I might have a lot of time coming up for consultations soon.  Lately I have been having dizzy/short of breath/heart racing spells in the morning at work that lead to me vomiting for the next hour or so.  I thought it might be a return of my horrific morning sickness I had until I was 25 weeks.  Had an appointment with my midwife yesterday and she said its a vaso-vascular issue?  Supposedly when I am constantly bending at work (which I do a lot of!) I am cutting of blood supply and causing my nervous system to go haywire...great.  The solution?  I now have to go into work and explain to my Asst. Curator why I have a doctors note that says I am no longer allowed to bend at the waist.  This is going to go over real well.  My work has been amazing and very supportive this entire time but now I feel like my issues are getting a little ridiculous.  I can just image what their reaction is going to be.

Monday, September 12, 2011

My first blog...ever

I am new to the whole blogging thing but I felt that sharing my story might be able to help someone who is in my position in the future.

Our journey so far:

On July 12, 2011 I arrived at Kaiser Zion hospital to receive the first good look at what was growing inside me. This was my 20 week ultrasound and I was honestly thinking the worst thing that could happen was that the tech could tell me I was having a boy (a little dramatic I know but I wanted tu-tu's and barbies so badly!). Not only did I find out I was having a little boy, but this little boy has a unilateral clubfoot on his left side. My husband (Cameron) and I then spent 2 more hours with the tech and a doctor scanning every possible surface of my unborn child. They looked at his palate, kidneys, spine, heart, brain...you name it. We then were whisked away to a genetic councilor , Amy, who was extremely patient and kind. She calmly explained that his clubfoot could be a sign of another genetic condition, more specifically Downs Syndrome or Spinal Bifida. The ultrasound screening and my previous blood test put me at a very very low risk for either of these two but I was offered an amniocentesis. By this time I was gushing tears and my husband was looking a little glossy as well. We are both 25, active, healthy, and have a clean family history. We were in shock that something like this could ever happen to us. Amy kept telling us that clubfoot is something that is genetic and there was nothing either of could have done to prevent it or cause it. Nonetheless, I continued to beat on myself that I had to have done something. I hadn't even so much as taken a tylenol during my pregnancy, I refused the anti-nausea meds from my midwife when I could barely work through the morning sickness, and I had carefully counted every gram of protein I ingested on a daily basis to make sure I was being healthy throughout my pregnancy with my semi-vegan diet (I still eat organic "hippie" eggs and will occasionally have fish). Still, this had to be my fault.

Once Cameron and I got home we both broke down. I fell into pure pity party mode. My family that knew I was anxiously awaiting the news of the baby's gender had been calling once an hour after the scheduled appointment time. I turned my phone off. After a lot of consideration we called Amy and opted for the amnio which was scheduled for the next day. Cameron and I have the upmost respect for those who are special enough to care for a special needs child but we both agreed that we are not that special. (I know that might be extremely heartbreaking or even offensive for someone who is reading this but I feel like I should be honest in case there is someone out there feeling like they are the only ones that feel that way.) The amnio, though extremely painful, went well. After a very long 2 weeks, the results for Downs and Spinal Bifida were both negative and we were left with an ultrasound scheduled for Sept 6 to follow up on my little one's clubfoot.

Between July and Sept I started reading everything I could on clubfoot. I found blogs of moms and amazing children that continued to reassure me that even though there is something wrong with my little one now there won't be something wrong with him forever. The Ponsetti Method results are so encouraging and Dr. Google consistently eased my fears of what the future holds for my son. I honestly felt that I had this clubfoot thing completely under control (BTW Russell's Feet blog was one that really helped me through a rough patch). One of the hardest things to deal with during these few months was my family. There are extremely loving, involved, and well...sometimes very negative. I kept getting facebook messages, emails, calls, and texts about how sorry they are for me and that they are praying that God will heal his foot. Maybe it's the prego hormones but the last thing I need is my support failing to realize the problem at hand and hope that God will just take it all away. Faith is a miraculous thing and there has honestly been some amazing medical anomalies that have occurred. My little man will be fine in boot and bars, save the anomalies for someone whose life is really in danger!

Almost done I swear...

On Sept 6 I went into Kaiser Zion yet again for another ultrasound. No longer was my concern on whether I was having a boy or girl! Looking back, my need for a little girl was so frivolous. I'm almost embarrassed. Cameron met me in the waiting room and we anxiously awaited for the tech and ob to produce "no news" from the ultrasound. Yet again we were wrong. The tech was extremely friendly and bubbly even though my little man would not stop moving for 2 seconds to get a clear picture! Almost 3/4 of the way through the OB showed up and immediately pointed out that his left leg (clubfoot side) was smaller than his right. The tech measured the femurs and they both were the same size but it appears that is tibia and fibia on his left are currently measuring at 3cm and his right is measuring at 4cm. Oh and he has a 6th toe on his left foot as well. Cameron and I pretty much went into a haze at this point and the OB coldly said "I don't think there is anything we can do about a short leg. He will just have a really bad limp his whole life. Or his body could catch up and there is no real concern. Or we can't measure properly because his foot is turned in so badly and there really isn't that big of a difference. Or his left leg could stop growing all together." She quickly pushed us out without any other explanation (I was the last appointment of the day) and scheduled us for an appointment in 4 weeks to compare the growth of his legs. My husband handled the news relatively well...I last a few hours before I broke down.

Since the OB was little to no help I had to reference Dr. Google yet again to get some answers. I found that there is actually a lot that can be done to correct a one short leg (referred in the medical community as LLD or leg length discrepancy). Small differences require no treatment, medium might require an insole, and a large discrepancy might lead to a surgery or 2 in the future. Since I am very early on in this I am anything but an expert but the fact remains SOMETHING CAN BE DONE. I am not going to loose hope that my little man will develop like any normal child. I have yet to tell my family of the doctors new findings mostly because we still don't know what it really will be like. I am not ashamed or embarrassed of my son's condition; I just don't need any extra negativity to stress about. I did disclose this info to my closest (yet furtherest away) friend who is currently pregnant with her second perfectly healthy and normal little girl. She said something to me that turned my whole outlook around on his clubfoot and LLD. She told me "No matter what happens, you will have the raddest little dude around." Whenever I catch myself in pity party mode, I just repeat in my head what she told me and it immediately returns my head securely on my shoulders.

It is so easy to feel sorry myself or to be angry at those around me. It seems like everyone in my world from friends to family to co-workers are having perfectly healthy pregnancies and babies. There are days I feel cheated. There are days that I feel overwhelmed. And then there are days I feel confident and in control. I am now at 28 weeks (almost 29) and I am currently digging myself out of my pity party and trying to constantly remember that I am going to have a rad little dude.